A few days ago I received a Whatsapp message advising me to
think positive to be happy. Happiness sounded good so I decided to implement it
with immediate effect. But my mind is democratic, you know. It came up with a
dream yesterday questioning the genuineness of that change. In my dream, I was
interviewed by a journalist from ‘The Arctic and Antarctic times.’
The conversation
went like this:
Interviewer: “Sir, we heard about your attitude change. We would
like to know about the side effects of that attitude change and wish to spread
it across penguins to Eskimos.”
Me: “I'm honored to be interviewed by such a popular newspaper.
Please ask your questions.”
Interviewer: “first of all, how do you feel now?”
Me: “I feel energetic, excited and thrilled to be alive everyday
morning. Actually, that is what that message taught me to say, standing in
front of the mirror once (or if) I wake up.”
Interviewer: “Good to know that. Are you following current
events?”
Me: “Of course, I do. Otherwise, why do I need a positive
thinking practice?”
Interviewer: “True. Let’s start with the recent budget announcement.
What is your general opinion?”
Me: “See, my knowledge in this is very limited. I came to
know that we are given a choice to exclude section 80C investments under exemptions. I was
expecting this for many years. Most of us consider 8 as an unlucky number.
While buying a vehicle we don’t want ‘8’ as the final number after adding all
digits of the registration number allotted. In an income tax filing, oh, how
many 8’s? 80C, 80D, 80DD…!! My god, they sound like bus route numbers. We
should have removed them a long time ago.”
Interviewer: “Hmm..it’s a new perspective. No wonder why
penguins suggested your name. Coming back to the budget announcement, economists
say…”
I interrupted.
Me: ”Please don’t talk to me about economists. They are
sleep therapists. We can never understand them. They talk as if they own this
planet. Their language is complicated. For example, one economist was trying to
explain ‘Real GDP’. What? A real GDP? Does it mean that there is a fake GDP? The
best part is they differ among themselves. One will say doing ‘X’ method is
good but the other one will say, doing ‘Y’ will be good. Finally, ‘Z’ will happen
and they again start their arguments.”
Interviewer: “I can see that you don’t like them.”
Me: “No. I don’t understand them. For example, if you go to
a hospital for a constipation issue, how would you feel if one doctor says that
to treat it, your left hand should be removed and another doctor says that your
right leg should be removed. As a patient, you will know that the issue lies
somewhere else but you can’t argue just because you don’t know medical terminology.
To doctors, at least you can speak and they’ll listen, whereas, with economists,
you’ll sleep. My advice to people suffering from insomnia is to go and discuss
a subject with economists. See, that is positive thinking – doctors vs patients,
economists vs insomniacs.”
Interviewer: “Ok. What do you feel about the current world-threatening
‘Corona Virus’?”
Me: “I envy them.”
Interviewer: “what? You envy Coronavirus?”
Me: “Yes. No one is scared of me, including my family. But the
entire world is frightened of the ‘Corona virus’ attack. They build new
hospitals, opening special wards, more security in airports checking all
passengers (including business class and first passengers). Have you ever seen
a first-class passenger standing in a queue to undergo thermal scanning? Oh man,
all of us are damn scared now.”
Interviewer: (slightly irritated) “Sir, don’t you pity for
the people dying due to this dangerous disease?
Me: “of course I do! How can you presume so? I feel very
sorry for them. Who knows, Even I may die tomorrow due to Coronavirus attack.”
Interviewer: “Then why do you say that you envy them?”
Me: “Ah! That is where you have to apply positive thinking
approach. Tell me, if you die due to a common disease like cancer, a heart
attack - would public in general care about it? No. Whereas just say one person
may have died in Tambaram due to Corona attack, entire Chennai people will be
wearing masks immediately. It is a premium death, like premium tatkal in
train booking, more seats booked - the higher will be ticket cost. Ticket to
escape from virus attacked city.”
Interviewer: (confused) “Sir, what do you think of global
warming?”
Me: “(smilingly) “I was expecting this. Is global warming true? contentious...But whether it is true or not, developed countries blame
developing countries for global warming, developing countries blame both
developed and poor countries and poor countries..hah..who listens to them? May I
ask you a question? Are Eskimos get affected by a common cold, dengue, malaria
or even coronavirus attack?”
Interviewer: “No sir.”
Me: “Why?”
Interviewer: “Because they live in extremely cold weather and
these viruses cannot survive there. There are no mosquitoes. So, no chance of
dengue virus spreading. Sir, about global warming…”
I interrupted.
Me: “Yes, I’m coming to that point only. Apply positive
thinking again. What if water level raises and cities go under the water? An ice
age will soon follow. Meaning this land will be covered by ice. That means no
mosquitoes, no corona…Maybe we can prevent all these now itself by using the defense funds of all countries towards research for finding medicines, vaccinations. Ah, who cares, let mother
nature take care of it. I hope you got a small picture of the benefits and side
effects of positive thinking. I hope you can spread this message to penguins
and…hey, what happened?”
The interviewer fell down from the chair. I went near him
and tapped his shoulder to wake him up. Shockingly I felt the taps, I woke up
to see my wife, who was trying to wake me up.
Before I could practice positive thinking for the day I thought,
“Oh god, why can’t these dreams be more aligned with positive thinking?”