“Guys, let’s go inside. Looks like it will rain soon,” someone shouted and we all rushed into the big hall of that luxurious hill resort. Until then it was a beautiful evening, a cool climate allowed us to run and play on a lush green lawn. We were outside for a long time, not willing to miss that greenery, chillness, and happiness and energy that we were getting out of that climate. Finally, the mountain decided to chase us into the building.
We, that is a large team of managerial level employees of a big company, coming from different branches in the country were assembled in that resort for a pleasurable outing plus to devise the company’s future course of strategic planning, setting goals and benchmarks, finding obstacles – to simply say, few will talk, most will listen and one or two will make the decisions at the end – leaving us with a suspicion that those decisions were already taken, even before we boarded our flights.
We didn't bother. The real satisfaction for us was those evenings after meetings when we ran around like children. Today that happiness is also interrupted.
But no one complained because once we were inside, very soon all types of beverages were brought and arranged neatly on a huge table. 'Freedom time started.' My colleagues went and picked whatever they desired. I chose an iced lemon tea, which I felt would be sufficient to quench my thirst.
Slowly small groups started to form. I took my tea and went towards my friends, who were standing near a large window. "
I could notice two smaller groups already formed inside our group. While looking around at other people, like a stray dog in a trade fairground, I missed a few key points. But it didn't take me much time to understand the discussion. Of course, it was about marriage.
One group was favoring love marriages (who must have had arranged marriage) and the other favoring arranged marriage by elders (yes, your guess is correct. They were in love which ended abruptly in marrying the same person, with whom they were in love).
A conversation was already going on and I joined as a listener initially. Krithika was already fired up and debating strongly. She is a nice-hearted person but with a short-tempered nature, which makes new acquaintances presume that she is an egoistic person.
"So, you mean to say that knowing a person is very essential before getting married."
Krithika replied spontaneously, "Yes, that is what I would like to say. Our culture doesn't allow it and our previous generations prohibited it. But as time changes now we must realize that our culture and traditions too should change."
A mischievous and debate provocative-natured, Vijith said, "Krithika, you say this because you are unmarried. Don't we read about many love marriages ending up in failure? Well, mine is arranged by our parents and I can't deny that I face more or less the same level of problems compared to 'self-arranged' one. But in my case, we are able to consult our parents in case of issues. That remedy is totally void if a couple goes against their parent's wishes."
With a naughty smile on his face, Vijith stepped back a little, knowing that he had successfully initiated a much lengthier discussion.
Krithika started to speak, "Do you call that as a remedy? We are knowledgeable than our parents, that is, in taking self-decisions. If you feel that for every issue we should run to our parents to seek answers, I feel that it is due to our stupidity. Why can't we think of solutions by ourselves? Why can't we talk it over? Remember, these days we face issues that are never heard by our parents. Then how can they help you?
Few more joined the group and slowly it became a noisier discussion, where everybody wanted to speak, none could be heard clearly, few raised voices, few looked offended and I was a silent observer.
Other groups were also talking louder, laughing, and sometimes screaming playfully. All due to additional calories given by alcoholic drinks. Who cares! It's the time to be free and enjoy.
Only once I did try to express my view but Vijith stopped me immediately. "Hey, are you married? How can an unmarried and young child talk here?" and winking his eye, he made me stand like a statue.
Not offended by my close friend's remark, I said, "I am here to learn. What's about that?"
"Learn? From us? Buddy, take a look at to whom are you talking? You never listen to what I say. Now, I' am half-drunk and youré going to learn from me? Wait here. It looks like they'll be out of energy and interest soon. I should find a better person now."
Before I could say anything, he again entered into the group and said, "guys, guys. Please listen. I think that we all are still young, I'm pretty sure that Krithika will accept that. Why don't we bring a much older, wiser, and experienced (in some way) person into this discussion? His points will help us to, oh god, throw some light on this and also will get more time for us to gulp down a few more bottles."
He pointed his finger towards an empty space of the hall. There, one man was sitting alone, drinking and looking out of the largest window of the hall. He seemed to be admiring the rain and the sky.
I immediately pulled Vijith to my side and said, "Hey, why are you bringing Guru sir into this? You know that he is unmarried and he doesn't like to mingle with people. He is our senior colleague. Don't get into any trouble."
He again winked and said, "what trouble? We are here to enjoy and socialize. I've been waiting for this opportunity. He must be having strong reasons for not getting into wedlock. We'll make him talk."
"What's the use? How is going to help us?"
He looked at me in a strange way. "Then what do you expect us to do? You and me, hold our hands, go out, sing a duet song under the rain? You are dumber than I thought. It's time for the hearts to speak, my friend. Don't spoil it. Just wait."
He went near Guru sir, spoke to him for a minute with an innocent look, and then pointed his finger towards our place. Guru sir hesitantly declined initially but Vij is not a person who could be convinced so easily.
Finally, Guru sir slowly walked towards where we were seated. Vijith was walking just a foot behind him and once again gave me a signal to be silent.
I stood up to empty a chair for Guru sir. And with an embarrassing smile, he joined us.
Guru sir: "I don't know why you guys wanted me to join you. You are youngsters, who know, you may be passing bad comments about me. I think I better stay out."
Vijith: "No sir. A discussion is already going on and we wanted a person like you to advise us before these fellows get into a verbal fight.
Ï hope they don't do it after my involvement", with a chuckle Guru sir replied.
"So, what is it about?"
Krithika quickly started to apprise Guru sir about what they were discussing, finishing by saying that since he is elder and had already taken his own decision, he would be able to sort out this contention.
Guru sir: "So, you young fellows want me to give my opinion about which type of marriage is better?"
"Yes sir."
I was standing on the opposite side of Guru and I could notice fresh blood flowing into his eyes. His eyes slowly started to turn red. I started to have a bad feeling about why these guys pulled him into this discussion.
Guru sir: "Am I entitled to give my opinion, however hard they could be in convincing you?"
Krithika, "Yes sir. You're free to go"
Guru: Ïn that case, I must ask you people a few questions. Shall I?"
Vijith was more than happy to nod his head and to say yes.
Guru: "I must warn you! My questions can be weird and, who knows, hurting. At the same time, my intention is not to hurt you but to get your opinions and to see whether we all are ready to start from the beginning once again."
Two more people joined our group but I was observing only Krithika. She raised her eyebrows and replied that she is fine as long as the questions wouldn't be indiscreet.
Guru sir smiled and said, Ï hope they wouldn't be. Just two or three quick questions. These are common for both types of marriages. Okay. Let's see. Why are we, the humans get married?"
Even Vijith was surprised by this question. "Why sir? We marry to start a family, have kids, etc., and to lead a normal life."
Guru, "That is known Vijith. But my question is what are we trying to get out from a marriage relationship or bond, as you call it?"
Everyone was surprised. Vijith looked at me and by shaking my head I indicated that he shouldn't have disturbed 'the saint'.
He only responded by saying that all were confused.
Guru: Ï'll ask in a different way. What is the 'basis' that is needed whether it is a love or arranged marriage? To stay strong, what is the must criteria?"
Vijith, "Understanding, respecting each other and.. and.."
Krithika quickly interrupted and said, "Unconditional love. That is the basis of a long-term relationship."
Now I could clearly see wickedness in Guru's smile as if this is what he was expecting.
Guru: "What do you mean by unconditional love?"
Krithika replied: "Love without any condition. That is loving a person without expecting back anything from her or him?
Guru: "Do you think such love exists? Or, can you confidently say that it is possible for humans?"
I was taken aback. Suddenly it turned out to be a chaotic situation. Both Krithika and Vijith started to speak. What they said was not clear. Other bystanders also started to murmur something.
I intervened to calm Krithika, who was more flared up than anyone there. I requested her to speak mildly so that we can hear what she says. I pushed Vijith out of the circle using my body and he understood what I was trying to do and obliged.
Krithika: "How can you pose such a question, sir? I can show many examples of such people around us. I' am sorry to say sir, but your question would be insulting to many and I object to your question."
Guru sir silently looked around to see all faces. He said, "See, that's why I said my opinions might be objectionable and radical. And you accepted to hear me."
"But that doesn't mean you can think in such an extreme way."
"My child, give yourself a moment to think. Do you really think unconditional love exists; between a man and woman? Why do you think a man loves a woman?"
Krithika hesitated and said, "a true love can't be brought by force. It generates from within. It is like a natural spark, which can burn down an entire forest."
She felt proud for giving a proper reply. Her face showed that happiness.
Guru sir said, "okay, let me try to understand. A natural spark initiates love and it develops into being unconditional. Isn't it?"
"More or less, yes. That can only be felt. Explaining it will be difficult."
"Fine. Then you feel that this unconditional love is essential in a marital relationship, irrespective of whether it is a love marriage or an arranged one to succeed?"
Krithika nodded yes.
Guru: "I'll ask you a question; Is there anything which plays a significant role to bring out that spark?"
All of us were not able to understand the question and we told him that.
Guru: "I'll try to give an example. I meet two girls. I fall in love with one of them. That means 'something' is present in that girl, which the other one doesn't possess. Isn't it? Then, what it could be?"
"It is very simple. It could be anything that you like more in a human. She might be interested in the same subject in which you have interest, she could be a singer and you like songs... well, my list will be endless."
Guru sir: "So she has a special talent, which I like most. ok. She could be more beautiful than any other girl I have met in my life, isn't it?"
Krithika, "Yes. It surely will not be one quality. She might be having more than one, which you like."
"And, you say that I'll fall in love and if the subsequent incidents are favorable, then it could develop into unconditional love?"
"Yes. Most likely that's how it happens. Both will have to adjust now and then to stabilize that relationship and finally they'll become inseparable."
"I 'am sorry, Krithika, this is the most absurd reason and I can prove that to you."
Krithika became very furious and she bent forward to argue and Guru sir stopped her by waving his hand, and smilingly he said, "if that's the case, I feel very confident to say that sometime during my lifetime, I may meet one another person who is better than my lover. Does it mean that I should shift my love to the other one?"
"How cruel!!"Krithika cried. "Once youré in a relationship, you are giving your commitment. How can you break that commitment?"
Guru sir calmly said, "Your expectation is correct but since that commitment is based on false or by lucky events, it is bound to break. Therefore whatever unconditional love you youths idealize does not exist at all. I wish to stop my argument so that I don't spoil your wonderful evening. Good night!"
After saying these words he rose up and went back to a couch placed outside the room and sat alone with a glass in his hand.
"What an arrogant, opinionated person! He is unbearable. Hey Vijith, why did you bring him here?"
Vijith couldn't reply to Krithika and others. They all went back to the table to refill or pick snacks and I was pretty sure that none of them wanted to look at Guru sir's direction.
I stood there for a few minutes. I was thinking of which direction to go. I finally decided that I'll go near Guru sir because other people will be doing the usual activities to make them happier.
I went outside, found a chair, took it near Guru sir, and asked would he mind if I joined him. He invited me happily.
"So you are not afraid of me!" he chuckled and offered the snacks plate. I took a hot mini samosa and sat next to him. It was still drizzling. Whenever the wind blows it made my body shiver.
"Sorry, if I' am disturbing you. You seem to be enjoying nature, sir."
"Nature is magical. It can't make you happy or sad but at the same time, it has the power to deepen your emotion at a particular moment. I prefer to admire nature without any emotions if it is possible. But I' am not lucky today, I guess."
"Oh! I' am sorry if our colleagues changed your mood. I noticed earlier that you were happy when alone."
"No, no, my boy. They didn't upset my mind. That unexpected discussion kindled my memories, which I have been trying to bury for a long time. Some days like these are like a punishment to me. I do not know the way to come out of this pain. I' am trying but so far I' am not able to succeed."
"I' am very sorry and I apologizë on behalf of ..."
"I say it again. You guys need not apologize. That young lady might be expecting my apologies but what she is not aware of is that I have already done that in my mind, by falling at her feet!"
"Why do you say such words, sir! She is a nice person. She was only a little angry about a few words."
"I know that. Actually, I knew that my words could be harsh. But I couldn't lie. I said the words that were in my mind. That is my mindset now. I was completely a different person once. That person is no more. He fought against an enemy, which is incomparable to his fighting power. I don't think he will ever rise up again. He is like a speck of dust now.
He stopped, turned to my side, and looked deep into my eyes.
"You look like a sensible person. I don't think I can control my mind. I must share my past with someone now. Or, else I'll have to drink up to my neck or jump from a cliff. "
I was totally shocked. Until that second I thought that he was a composed man. His words made me worry. My mind ordered me to be with this man for some more time.
He asked me, "If I open up my mind, share my secrets with you, will you keep them as secret. Can you promise me?"
"Yes, I promise you, sir."
"Thank you. Thanks... "
He took a big gulp, took some time to come back to normalcy and then he started to speak. I didn't interrupt at any time.
"My son, I' am just going to pour out that pain. I will be thankful if you don't interrupt or get impacted by my words during my confession. I might stop and it will become more painful."
"I was not like a person that you see me now. During my youth, I was a complete rogue. I mean I wasn't fighting or harming other men. I was insulting, disrespecting, and cheating young girls. Women were objects to me, that too consumable objects. I was doing all these sinful acts in the name of 'Unconditional love' that we were discussing earlier."
"I will never blame the girls, yes few were like me, but it was all my fault. I was like a hunting tiger, never tiring, never stopping, never say enough - animal. Sorry to use these words. I never wanted to see the hearts, feelings of girls whom I cheated. All I wanted was their flesh. Their natural soft, tender body - that was what I hunted."
"You guys may not understand. What worries me is that who should understand, be very cautious of hunters like me - the girls, even they don't understand. They are not able to distinguish the bad omens from good ones. Yes, biologically you can try to convince by saying hormonal growth, etc. But that is not true love. Love starts from the heart, not from this filthy human body."
"The most important point was that we or I'll limit it to myself, I - was not searching for a particular type of girl. You know, like a fair-skinned or dark-skinned, tall or short, fat or lean - anything was fine. As for as, that flesh was available to hand I consumed. Oh! what a sinful life. How I hate myself for those days!"
He bent down his head for a few seconds and again started to speak in haste as if he would forget if he stopped.
"I was successful. It was like a race. I was doing well, cheating the young hearts of women by cunning, deceitful words. Few girls were like me; they didn't want any commitment but many hearts were burnt by the fire of my lust."
"I would have continued but I guess the god had a plan in his mind. He gave me a tough challenge."
I could see very clearly that this man is staging a war in his mind. He was trying to bring out something that had deeply wounded his heart.
"Finally I met her. A simple, modest and, innocent girl. I never had the chance to make acquaintance with a girl like her in my life. She was a puzzle to me, confusing my mind to think again and again before approaching her."
"And she had that wonderful smile. It could brighten up this entire world. Her smile spoke her heart. Her smile can wipe off all bad feelings one has in his mind. But unfortunately, I' am talking about myself, the worst person who can't be changed by anything. "
"It turned out to be a challenge. She was like the best prize; a trophy which was a pride for the lustful menfolks. It was a competition, the winner gets - not the best heart, but her inaccessible body. What a shame!"
He slapped his forehead using his left hand. In that sudden movement, part of his drink spilled. It was such a hard hit that it made me feel scared. Before I could touch his shoulder he quickly stopped me by his hand.
"It's ok. It is just a shock within. I must dig my heart and throw out the truth to this beautiful nature. Let it decide my fate."
"She fell for me. She was careful in her words but she showed her abundant love and it sunk me into a magical world; a world that a true lover would die to find."
"But that was me, who thought that lust was better than love. Also winning her body was my best goal and not her love. Winning her body was like a trophy, that I could show to my like-minded people, and shout, I won the competition. Oh...Disgusting. God - please help me."
"I don't want to elaborate on those dirty incidents but I finally made her accept me. Please don't get offended by my words, my friend. This is a shameful story. How can I tell you by using decent words?"
"I somehow convinced her that I had never touched a girl's body and where else could I go. After many persuasions, I made both of us sheltered in a lonely place. Then I started my actions. Her pleading words and the pain in her eyes couldn't stop the devil in my mind. Using little force, I started to feel her body inch by inch. I foolishly thought that after some time her lust also would take over."
"My hands wandered like waves coming and going back on beach sand. I didn't see her eyes at that time. When I was about to proceed further, put shame into her mind permanently, suddenly I was pushed. Initially, I didn't know what happened. I stood up and understood the situation. It was she, who pushed me away. How can such a loving, caring, already convinced and, as per my assumption, who must have been already caught in the claws of lust could do that?"
"It took a few seconds for me to realize what was happening there until I saw her eyes. Both eyes were filled with tears; tears, which can melt any heart. Those were the tears of a pure heart; After seeing those teardrops, my body started to burn as if they were not tears but some acid to cleanse my body; to take away that lust."
His body started to tremble as if he was experiencing a tremor inside his brain. He covered his face with his hands and said,
"Oh, if at all it ended there, how peaceful my mind would be now. Her tears were enough to crumble my sinful heart but the punishment was needed. That was the plan of God."
Guru sir started to sob covering his face.
"Why did that happen? I understood my dirtiness and was about to go away from there. I had a look at her once again. That simple girl, even while undergoing that pain in her heart, thought that she had hurt me. Her love was pure. She didn't want to disappoint me and not to hurt my mind, she did the most unexpected act. She looked at me, trying to bring a smile to her face, and opened her hands, inviting me to hug her like inviting me to whatever I wanted."
"What a horrific second that was for me. She loved me and was willing to give away the most precious of what she saved. That could be a sacrifice, for which she might regret. But her 'unconditional love' was willing to accept it for a rogue, like me. Her 'simple love' burnt all my sins, lust thoughts, in my mind."
"At that second, I saw my mother in her. I clearly saw that. It wasn't a human body. It was a mother's heart. It shone like a star, so adorable and so admirable that I wanted to die then.
I wanted to become a child, run back to my mother, fall at her feet asking forgiveness for not noticing her shadow in every women I spoilt. I felt that this world is not a place to live for a man like me. Or, I should go back into my mother's womb, maybe that is the only place where I can run and hide from my sins. "
"What that wonderful girl did was not a simple thing. It was a sacrifice only a mother can do. All women have that in their hearts. They are blessed with that quality by the almighty. But we, the rogues, and this society corrupt them. To satisfy our greed, to make them our slaves, we keep doing that. We will not stop. It is for our cheap happiness. Unfortunately, those young hearts are never taught about this, not even by their mothers. What we keep saying to women is love and lust are different but we, the men, know very well that both are the same."
He looked much relieved now. He wiped his eyes and smiled at me.
I asked him, "What happened afterward, sir?"
"What happened? Somehow I came away from her, made sure that she wouldn't be able to trace me. And after that incident, all women look like my mother only. I didn't marry and still regret my sins. That's what happened. And hear me, my son, all these are my opinions based on what happened in my life. I' am different from you. Ok. I thank you very much for patiently listening to me. Now go back to your friends. Don't get yourself spoiled by being around with this old man."
He smiled and convinced me to go away from there. I joined my friends and after a while looked back in his direction. To me, it seemed, he was still confessing to nature and pleading to forgive him.
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Thanks for reading
Regards,
R. Bharathram
26/12/2021
